NBA Bloopers Updated Edition

Hi, if you've read my NBA Bloopers post, well this is just the updated version of the video:

SantaClaus.com

Message from Santa:
Dear Boys and Girls, now you can pre-order your Christmas gift from SantaClaus.com ! No more writing stupid and time consuming letters! If you were nice,  you get everything 50% off everything in our catalog including our world famous delivery! Sorry,  due to the high demand,  we're all out of make-you-skinny magic. However, you can still purchase some make-your-friends-fat magic! Happy holidays Ho! Ho! Ho! (Ugh,  I hate saying that, it's so stupid)
                                                  From Santa

Re: Message from Santa
Santa! R U 4 real? 10 bucks a mile If you were nice for delivery? Legit? That's such a ripoff! Not to mention your toy prices 20 bucks for a teddy bear? No way. Santa, your business isn't gonna catch on. You gotta fix your terrible prices!
                        From Random nude dude

Re: Re: Message from Santa

Dear Random nude dude,  please understand that the stupid plutonium prices are high right now.  Also do you have any idea how expensive flying reindeer are for hire? Plus it's a torture getting them to do what I want them to. Not to mention how much I paid for my flying sleigh! And the elves? Do you have any idea how many I've gotta hire? Stealth is a problem too. I don't imagine you have to hide from the world year-round. So yeah, my prices are totally fair.
                                                  From Santa

Humor: tech style

The Galaxy Note got Android Jelly Bean. Custom feature: Project Butter has been replaced with... (pause for effect)... Project Buffer! LOL :-D

The Pencil in the Private Area

A few days ago, we enter L.A. class, and guess what we found! One project of a foam dude had a pencil sticking out exactly where the guy's private area was supposed to be , and you can probably guess what the pencil resembled!The people who saw it found it hilarious (obviously), and I doubled up from laughter (my stomach even began to hurt). Oh yes, the teacher didn't pay any attention to it LOL, even if he did notice it. Later though, this other dude removed the pencil, which was very disappointing.

Really Weird Poster

As I was walking through the school hallways, I noticed a very messy handmade poster about donating to the food bank. It said something like this: "Why donate to da 'ood ' ank" then some location and time info, and then "Why again? 'lass 'ith 'ost 'ood 'ins 'izza 'arty " now I'm clueless why they skipped the first letters (Did they think it was "cool"?!), not to mention the terrible sentence structure. Who writes like that in a High School?

Never drink cooking oil...

Ladies & gents, let me tell you about the time I chugged cooking oil...and regretted it bitterly. A few months ago, I went for a drink. I sew some "water" in my cup. I started chugging. But why is it so oily & fatty &bitter? And before I realized it was cooking oil, I spit the stuff out into the sink! Do you have any idea how terrible it tasted?! And no matter what I tried, I couldn't get rid of the bitter, fatty aftertaste! But seriously, as the title states, never ever drink cooking oil

Mr. Funny

There's this dude in my class that all the girls think is hot and all the guys know he's cool (and he knows).  And of course everybody knows he's hillarious. So today, in Drama class, he pulled his sweats so high up, they looked like butt shorts. Not only that, but he pulled up his shirt too. Sometimes, I question how he thinks. And sometimes, I just laugh.

Mad or Normal?

There are these Crazy girls in my school, and coincidentally, their lockers are near mine. So last week them and I were the last in the hallway. So they're screaming "HI!" and slamming locker doors, so to counteract their weirdness, I used my weirdness and randomly said "I like bananas". And they say "I like to...[okay I won't go there]" So after they're like "We're normal, BTW", and I respond with "If you're normal, then I wonder what crazies are like!" A'int I awesome?

My School is DESPERATE

This post is especially dedicated to the terrible jokes on the announcements at school.  They're "Why did the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts!" and the like. R they 4 Real? U say 5-year-old jokes in a school full of teenagers. Surely, they should get their heads checked. On top odd that, either one if the announcers does an awful and cheesy laugh or they put a laugh tracday) after each corny joke. And did I mention that every time, they scream annoyingly? They gotta hire me. Both for the jokes ($7/day) and the laugh (Believe me, I can do some hilarious laughs) (That'll be $3/day)

Ready for Some More Streak Marketing?

The Dell Streak was the very 1st phablet, the great grandpa of the Galaxy Note. But think about it...Dell Streak. Dell Streak. Sound like something? Anything? Nudge, nudge. Yeah, that. Funny how if you think a lil' bit, you eventually discover something hilarious. That's why companies gotta be careful w/ their marketing.

Texting Abbreviations...In a Calendar

Yes, there  was this  sheet in a calendar with texting abbreviations. There were a LOT of them, some of which the most experienced texters won't recognize (correct me if I'm wrong). However, some vital ones are sorely lacking like LOL, w/, w/o, SK8, JK and a couple of others (offensive). But some are hillarious (just look @ YWHNB (Yes, we have no bananas). Are they 4 Real?)

The Enraged Siri

Yesterday, in class, Siri kept turning on & off @ full volume continually on this guy's iPhone until she eventually got sick of it & said "request not recognized." The other funny thing was, that the substitute teacher apprently hadn't heard a thing when the guy went to explain. Oh, and did I mention we convinced her that we were x-A, not x-6. And so when she was going to complain to our regular teacher, she was gonna say Billy from x-A did so & so, & our teacher was gonna be like There's no Billy in x-A?! or I don't teach x-A?!

Chess Pieces and Their Unusually Large Bottoms

I love chess. Today I was playing with a goofy dude, and so he knocked my king with his king down, even though they were on opposite ends of the board, and of course, you can't do that. So I'm like "Kings can't do that...they're too fat. Their booties are far to oversized!"

Do Not read this or you will have wasted your time. Congratulations you just wasted your time. JOKE BY GANDALF THE TECH WIZARD NOT ME

Lord of the Rings Joke by LEGO LESS, NOT Me

Hey everybody why didn't the Balrog cross the road? Because Gandalf was on the other side! YAMAHAHAHAHA(Only lord of the rings nerds will get this joke and NO I am not explaining it because that makes it not funny)

If you didn't guess who I was already I am

THIS POST BELONGS TO LEGO LESS, HE GETS ALL THE CREDIT NOT ME!

Windows Joke-Microsoft Fans, Don't Read

All of you techies probably know that Windows has a reputation for being buggy. Now on to the joke... on the Microsoft site, it says that Windows 8 is built on the 'rock solid' foundation of Windows 7 LOL. Usually, when you think of rock, it's hard, solid and rigid. However, Sedimentary Rock is soft and crumbly. So I kinda modified the marketing to "Windows 8 is built on the sedimentary rock solid foundation of Windows 7!"

I Get Burned, But Return with a Brilliant Comeback

I don't know ' bout you, but I'm a techie, just FYI, anyway yesterday, in class, this guy was saying he was smarter than me, so to prove that he wasn't, I asked him what what GPU (Graphics Processing Unit, I won't go into details), so he thinks a bit and says "G(his name, which ironically starts w/ G) Powns U".  Dang, he's lucky. But @ the time I didn't realize how much luckier I was...here's why: I wanted to get some kind of a comeback, so I'm like "What's a CPU (Central Processing Unit), then?" I was originally planninig for him not to know the definition, and when he remains silent, I'd tell him "Central Processing Unit, genius", getting a (very lame) comeback. However as I was saying it, my mind pieced together CPU into CyberPoodle* (*Actually, I thought of and said my real name, which, just like my net name (CyberPoodle) starts with C, ironically) Powns U, It's insane how perfectly it pieced together! And, of course, that's what I said, after his nonexistent answer to my question. Of course, he remained silent, the poor guy, and I and one of my best friends, who sat right beside me, burst laughing uncontrollably. Obviously, we got the attention of the teacher who wasn't too happy because we'd interrupted his class.

Babies are Unpredictable...and All-Powerful!

Guess what. Yesterday my brother pulled my pants off, trying to get me to sit down. It was so LMBO* (Laugh My Bottom OFF*)! So then I started giggling like a psycho (have you heard me laugh, BTW?) and he started crying cuz he thought I was crying! So unpredictable, so cute, yet so dangerous! I'm so glad no one caught that on video and sent it all over the net, because, you know, I don't want the whole world to see my tighty whities, though I wouldn't  mind getting a few thousand bucks from AFV.

*Modified from, um, original.

LMBO Joke from a 60s Book. Seriously!

I recently finished reading The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, and I just remembered this BOSS joke from it:
"You should see Sandy's brother. Now there's a hood. He's so greasy he glides when he walks. He goes to the barber for an oil change not hair cut." Mwahahahahaha! Now here's some background info: their gang is called the greasers, and so he means he's such a big greaser when he says 'greasy'.

Issues Cont'd

Following up my last post about issues, I came up with this ad

Psycho Psychologists that Make You Feel better!

They've got issues, just like you! 

Then there's supposed be this picture of a really weird dude in a doc suite, trying to stick as many pencils up his nose, mouth and ears barely managing to say "I'm a bit busy right now, can you schedule an appointment for later?"

Today's Theme: 'Issues'

Today, I came up with this epic joke that we were laughing our bottoms off at: You've got issues, but I've got issues too! OR I've got issues, but you've got issues too! But you have to say it with a funny voice to achieve the hilarious results.

Grodey Prank

My friend played this awesome prank in music class today. He dumped his spit tube from his trombone on this annoying dude's hand. BTW, a spit tube is where the CO2 that you exhale goes when it condensates (i.e., spit tube). It was very hilarious, if you know what I mean, that is.

Basketball Bloopers

I donno about you, but my favorite sport is basketball. And so digging around on YouTube (For our YouTube joke, click here) I came across this (Yes, it's officially by NBA):

Never Ending Story 2

My dad told me this one (it didn't actually happen as far as I know). Once upon a time there was a cute lil' pup. His owner loved him more than anything else in the world. He cared for it like no other owner did. But one day the puppy died. And so on its gravestone the owner carved: Once upon a time there was a cute lil' pup. His owner loved him more than anything else in the world. He cared for it like no other owner did. But one day the puppy died. And so on its gravestone the owner carved: "Once upon a time there was a cute lil' pup. His owner loved him more than anything else in the world. He cared for it like no other owner did. But one day the puppy died. And so on its gravestone the owner carved..." I could go on forever!

Today's Theme: Messed Marketing

Hey guys, I just came across this label on my bottle of some glass-cleaning liquid at home! Take a look: Messed Marketing. Wrong, just plain wrong.

Mommy, Where do Babies Come From?

Mommy, Where do Milk and Eggs Come From?

Bob's Adventures in the Fitness Room

Let's make it Symmetrical!

So your leg got cut off? Let's make you symmetrical! Half the school blew up? Let's make it symmetrical! Modify as you wish!

Paradoxes

Here are some paradoxes I know:
(DANGER: Do NOT think about the following paradoxes for long, or you may go insane. If you're getting a headache, think about something else. This is serious, not a joke. We do NOT take responsibility for any damage)
1. The following sentence is true. The previous sentence was false.
2. Answer truthfully with a yes or a no: Will your answer be no?

SPLAT & CRUNCH!

Hey people, do you know what a guy falling from the tenth floor sounds like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! SPLAT! (realizes he's falling and um (how to say this delicately) shuts up on impact). Now here's the guy falling from the first floor. CRUNCH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (does not realize he's falling, but is slightly hurt on impact).

The King and the Screw

And here is the joke about the King and the Screw:
Once upon a time there was a rich King. He was really happy and had everything. Except there was a really small problem that was bugging him. He had a giant screw right in the middle of his stomach. Yes, a screw. So he called the kingdom's best doctors and promised a huge reward for whoever fixed this inconvenience  and all that, but none of them could get rid of the screw. He was starting to lose hope when an eccentric doctor came. The guards didn't wanna let him in, but the King forced them to. So he began his healing process. He pulled out a screwdriver and slowly but surely started unscrewing the screw. He unscrewed and unscrewed until the screw, defeated, fell to the floor. And that second, marked the........(suspense, ooh).........DETACHING OF THE KING'S BOTTOM!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Cool gag to play on your friends

These are kind of old, but if your friends don't know them, then you can play them ... on them! Ask/say:
1. Have you watched the movie "If You're Dumb Say No" ?
2. I can make you say "How".
3. I can make you say "What" (really fast).

Darth Vader is a Goat

I came up with this random joke quite recently. Darth Vader is a Goat! Fun to splat right in the middle of a conversation; or sing! Goat Vader :-)  is his new name LOL

I get Served...By an Old Teacher Substitute!

The other day at school, something majorly hilarious happened. It was math class. We had a sub that day. And so a guy sitting beside got in a bit of trouble and the teacher substitute, who was quite old, went to talk to him. And after their conversation was done, I told her that you could see his underwear (it's obviously not allowed and quite grody). BTW, he low rides so low that the latter is often the case. But can you guess what she replied? "Why are you looking there?" And the madman-esque laughing took me and many classmates over. Well I'm sorry, I didn't mean  to look there, but it's too bloody obvious! But I had gotten served by an old teacher substitute. Quite extraordinary, isn't it?

Beans are a Powerful Weapon

Beans are indeed a very powerful weapon. They increase ejections which are another powerful weapon. Never underestimate their Superpowers!

We do the Chicken Dance in Math Class

OK, yesterday, it was a typical math class. We were working on our questions, and suddenly this teacher goes on the announcements saying that we were 2 minutes short of the Physical activity requirement of the school board. And you know how he decided to fix that? By making the entire school do the Chicken Dance! It was hilarious! Imagine that! A whole school doing the Chicken Dance during class. Of course I was embarrassed and didn't wanna do it, but my math teacher said I have to, otherwise I'd stay in for lunch, so I went dancing away kiddishly.

Shablamo! And Boomshakadaa! Onamatopia

OK, some awesome sound words, created by Gandalf, another author on this blog are Shablamo! and Boomshakadaa! Of course, you gotta figure out a cool custom way to say them, but feel free to use them. We sure will!

To Low Ride or Not to Low Ride?

So OK, you probably know about low riding. It's supposed to be cool (I don't like it), but there's always the dangers of low riding. Danger: Pants falling off. Imagine that, right in the middle of a presentation. Priceless for the bystander, Infinitely embarrassing for the victim.Actually once, my mom told me, that a low rider's pants came off as he was going on the bus. Oh, man, I wish I was there. Now onto the lil' surprise. A joke: OK. The coolest guy around is super-low riding. His pants are barely on! Super cool and awesome, right? Now there's a little tiny baby problem. He keeps on tripping. In gym class: run, Run Thonk! Run, Crunch! Run, run, run Shablamo! But no pain no gain, right?

Randomness Cont'd

OK, continuing with the Randomness thing, today, my friends and I were the last ones left in the hallway at school and we were hangin' out and making gags and cleaning our lockers. And suddenly the Chicken Dance starts playing on the loudspeaker. Honestly! Of course, we burst out laughing our heads off. It was totally EPIC! A bit sooner we started worrying that this was a warning to us to leave, but it wasn't really. Then my French teacher comes walking by, and we ask her what it was all about. She says "You can never trust Mr.__________." And that was funny too.

Today's Theme: Randomness

Ah, there's nothing like a good ol' "What does that have to do with anything?" inducing, super random joke. OK, a few ol' school ones are "I like Pie" or "Wasabi is spicy", or even better, a small detail about you, like "My foot is itchy" smack dab right in the middle of a conversation. That can get some pretty good laughs going!

Never Leave a Baby Unattended, Here's Why!

OK. This is really funny. True story, BTW. OK, so once upon a time, a relative of mine, was a cute, innocent baby. Her parents had a celebration. And during the celebration, they left her unattended, and she did something hilarious and genuinely wrong. Fast forwards a bit and She's running around like a madman and rolling on the floor randomly. Everybody wondered what had happened, and because she couldn't speak, she decided to demonstrate (Read: She randomly did it again, in front of everybody). She took a cup with alcohol and took a few sips. So that's what had happened. Can you try to guess the lesson of the story? (Hint: Read the Title!)

Ford-Dragging Our Bum Forward

You know how Ford's moto is Driving Our World Forward? Well if you make some slight 'modifications' it changes to Dragging Our Bum Forward!

Super Diaper-for All Ejections

Wanna be Rich?

Ask someone that. If they say yes (highly likely), pretend to uppercut them in the face. If they communicate "What?" (Orally or with body language or with expressions blah blah blah), then explain to the poor victim that if you'd really uppercut them and all their teeth flew out, they could put them under their pillow, and get a lot of money from the tooth fairy!

I'd buy Anything on Clearance!

Yup, that's true for many of today's humans. So why don't they buy used toilet paper on clearance, used paper plates on clearance, used diapers on clearance, and best and yummiest of all, used food on clearance! Yum! Why not? It's on clearance! And it's really cheap!

The Arts of Facial Hairing

Hey guys, I just came up with a couple of new arts! The art of Mustaching, the art of Goateeing and the art of Bearding. Make a creative, beatiful and unique mustache, goatte or beard! Best part? Also works with pictures! Enjoy;-)

Another Addicting Tongtwister!

Puke in a toque of a duke with a nuke in Leduc.

This Tongtwister is so Fun and Addicting to Say-No Joke

Our nation says detonation of the nation of detonation.

Bieber Joke-Bieber Fans Turn a Blind Eye

You know how Justin Bieber's hair is all forward and to the side and swirly, completely cloaking his entire head? It's as if a giant baby has sucked on it. So we came up with a creative nickname-Justin Soother! But then he got sick of having his hair on his forehead so he walked up to a cow one day and made it lick his fore head, giving him a "unique" (read: really messed) cowlick. So we came up with another unique nickname-Cow LickBieber. An alternative, of course is Justin Beaver (but it's kinda old school if ya know what I mean).

Combinations!

Take three words and combine them to make funny words. I'll do that right now with Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.
Yup, you get Facer, Twitbook, FaceTube, TubeFace, Tubebook, Tuber, TwitTube, TwitFaceTube, FaceTwit, FaceTwitTube, YouTwit, YouTwitFace, YouFaceTwit YouTwitTube, YouTwitFaceTube, YouTubeFace, YouFace, YouFaceTuber, YouTuberFace. You try!

Funny Response

When someone says "Someone's gotten up on the wrong side of bed today.", Just say "Yeah, and (say something negative, like you smell too OR yes, I love you too)." The look on they're face'll be priceless!

Levels of Stupidity and Their Pronunciation of Dar

Here, we believe that stupid people constantly say DAR!
We also knew the three levels of stupidity, so we decided to piece these two together to specify how people that are stupid say DAR! However, without the pictures, this article is useless.

Level One: Morons: Don't know how to say DAR! properly. When they try to, they often get DAAAH, BLAH,   ARRR, TRRR and so on. Danger: They eject a LOT of saliva.

Level Two: Imbaciles: Can hardly say DAR! Warning: They eject a decent amount of saliva.

Level Three: Idiots: Can say DAR! properly. Caution: They eject some saliva.